I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
