you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
