Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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