You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
