do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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