I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
