shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
