he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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