My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
