Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
