and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
