Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
