the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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