I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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