There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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