He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have aggressive nipples.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
