if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
