Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
