Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
