if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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