I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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