So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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