JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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