So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think my vagina is haunted
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
