coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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