Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
