I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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