good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
