If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
