that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
