I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
