do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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