So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
