Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
