the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Fuck appropriateness.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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