Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
