I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i wish my penis had a tongue
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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