I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
