So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
