i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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