Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
