It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
