How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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