mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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