I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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