She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
