where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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