____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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