I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
