I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
