I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
