I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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