I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
