No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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