I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
