yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
