New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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