I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
