i think my tv is drunk
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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