I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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