My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
