Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
