You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
