he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
